When No One Believed You

And Why It Matters So Much That Someone Finally Does….

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There’s a particular kind of pain that lingers long after the trauma itself.
It’s the pain of not being believed.

I see it every day in my work — in the hesitant words, the trembling voices, the eyes that flicker to the floor when the story starts to surface.
Clients often come to me carrying not just the weight of what happened to them, but also the heavy, invisible burden of what happened afterwards:
being dismissed, denied, blamed, silenced.

And that disbelief can sometimes hurt just as much as the trauma itself.

The Hidden Wound of Disbelief

When you experience abuse, violence, neglect or betrayal — it turns your world upside down.
But when you tell someone, and they don’t believe you, it can break something even deeper.

You start to question your reality.
Was it really that bad?
Did it actually happen like I remember?
Maybe it’s my fault?
Maybe I misunderstood?

When the people you trust — family, partners, friends, professionals — reject your truth, it can leave you stranded in your pain.
Isolated.
Ashamed.
Disconnected from your own story.

This disbelief teaches you something dangerous: that your voice doesn’t matter.
That your feelings are wrong.
That your experience is too messy, too inconvenient, too uncomfortable for the world to hold.

And so, many survivors stay silent.
Or tell a carefully edited, watered-down version of the truth.
Or bury it so deep inside that even they start to forget it happened.

But the body remembers.
The nervous system remembers.
The heart remembers.
Even if no one else did.

I Know What That Feels Like

Part of why this matters so much to me as a therapist is because I know this feeling personally.
I know what it’s like to have something painful, real, and deeply affecting happen — and then to have people look away.
To have your words doubted.
To be made to feel like you’re overreacting, too sensitive, attention-seeking.

I know the kind of loneliness that leaves.
The kind that eats away at your sense of safety in the world, and in yourself.

And that’s why, when you walk into my room,
whether you whisper it,
shout it,
write it down,
or just let it hang unspoken in the space between us —
I believe you.

Why Believing Matters in Healing

Healing from trauma isn’t just about what happened.
It’s also about everything that happened next.
The people who stayed silent.
The ones who denied it.
The systems that failed you.
The moments you swallowed your truth just to survive.

And one of the first steps to healing is having someone genuinely witness your pain, without judgment or disbelief.

To be believed is to be seen.
To be heard.
To be validated.
To be safe.

It allows you to stop fighting yourself.
It begins to loosen the grip of shame.
It makes space for grief, anger, mourning, remembering, and eventually — for reclaiming your life on your terms.

Believing someone isn’t just a kind gesture — it’s an act of repair.
A restoration of dignity.
A sacred promise:
"Your pain is real. You are not making this up. What happened to you mattered. And you matter."

Walking Alongside You

It is one of the deepest privileges of my life to sit beside people as they untangle these wounds.
To hear what no one else wanted to hear.
To hold what others pushed away.
To watch someone move from barely being able to whisper what happened — to standing taller in their truth.

I won’t rush you.
I won’t ask you for details you aren’t ready to share.
I won’t turn away from the uncomfortable parts.

I will stay with you in the thick of it.
And when you doubt yourself, I’ll remind you:
I believe you.
I always will.

Because you deserve to finally be believed.

And it’s not too late.

Take gentle care

Louise x

I Believe You

By Louise Malyan

There are words

I wish you had heard

a long, long time ago.

I believe you.

Not because you need to prove it.

Not because you owe me the details.

Not because you have to relive it here in this room.

I believe you

because your body remembers.

Because your eyes say what your mouth sometimes cannot.

Because the silence between your words

is heavy enough to fill the whole room.

I believe you

when you tell me what they did,

or when you can't.

When you try to explain,

then backtrack,

then apologise for taking up space.

I believe you when your voice shakes.

I believe you when you go quiet.

I believe you when you laugh it off

like it was nothing,

and especially when it was everything.

I believe you

because I know what it costs

to carry a story no one wanted to hear.

To be told

it wasn’t that bad.

That you made it up.

That it didn’t happen like you remember.

That you’re too sensitive.

Too dramatic.

Too much.

And yet —

here you are.

I want you to know

it is the deepest, quietest privilege

to hold these truths with you.

Not to take them,

but to help you lay them down,

bit by bit,

piece by piece,

until they feel less like chains

and more like chapters.

This is not easy work.

You have carried this

for far too long.

In your bones,

in your skin,

in the way you flinch at kindness,

or question your worth.

And still —

you keep showing up.

I am not here to judge you.

Not now,

not ever.

I am here to believe you,

to hold space

for all the parts of your story

that were once dismissed,

denied,

and buried.

You deserve that.

You always did.

And if no one told you before —

if no one stayed,

or softened,

or simply said,

“I believe you”

without conditions —

know that I will.

In this space,

in this work we do together,

your truth matters.

You matter.

And it is my greatest honour

to walk beside you

as you begin

to reclaim what was taken,

to grieve what was stolen,

and to remember

who you were

before the world

tried to silence you.

I believe you.

I always will.

Crisis Lines?

Crisis Lines Vs Counselling

Knowing Where to Turn When You’re Struggling

When you’re struggling mentally or emotionally, it can be hard to know what kind of support you need — or where to find it. If life feels overwhelming, or if you’re facing thoughts or feelings that feel frightening or hard to cope with, please know this: you are not alone, and there is help available.

It’s important to understand the difference between a crisis line and counselling, and to know there are other support options like NHS 111, GPs, and A&E when urgent mental health help is needed.

What is a Crisis Line?

Crisis lines are there for those moments when you need support right now. They’re free, confidential, and available 24/7. You don’t have to be in immediate danger to call — if you’re feeling panicked, hopeless, afraid, or just need someone to talk to, they’ll be there to listen without judgment and help you stay safe.

These services don’t offer ongoing therapy, but they can make all the difference in a moment of crisis — helping you breathe, ground, and know that someone cares.

UK Crisis Services You Can Contact Anytime

Samaritans
Call: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
Website: www.samaritans.org
A safe, confidential place to talk about anything that’s troubling you — day or night.

SHOUT (Text Support)
Text: SHOUT to 85258 (free, 24/7)
Website: www.giveusashout.org
Free, confidential text support in moments of crisis or distress. You’ll be supported by a trained volunteer via text message.

Papyrus HOPELINEUK (For young people or those supporting them)
Call: 0800 068 41 41
Text: 07860 039967
Website: www.papyrus-uk.org
Specialist suicide prevention support for under-35s, or anyone concerned about a young person.

Childline (For children and young people up to age 19)
Call: 0800 1111 (free, 24/7)
Website: www.childline.org.uk
A safe, confidential space for young people to talk about anything — anxiety, bullying, abuse, family issues, or low mood.

The Mix (For young people under 25)
Call: 0808 808 4994 (3pm–midnight)
Text: THEMIX to 85258 for crisis support
Website: www.themix.org.uk
Support for anything from mental health and self-harm to housing, relationships, or drug use — via phone, text, and online chat.

Rape Crisis England & Wales
Call: 0808 500 2222 (free, 24/7)
Website: www.rapecrisis.org.uk
Confidential support for anyone who has experienced rape, sexual abuse, or sexual violence — recently or in the past. Offers emotional support, practical advice, and help accessing local services.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge)
Call: 0808 2000 247 (free, 24/7)
Website: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
For anyone experiencing domestic abuse — emotional, physical, sexual, financial, or coercive. Offers support, advice, and practical help.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
Call: 0800 9177 650
Website: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk
Speak to someone who understands, find local meetings, and begin your recovery journey.

Emergency Services
Call: 999
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call 999.

Other NHS Mental Health Options

NHS 111 – Option 2 (Mental Health Support)
Call: 111 (free, 24/7)
If you’re in mental health distress but unsure whether it’s an emergency, call 111 and press Option 2. You’ll be connected to your local mental health crisis team, who can provide advice, support, and next steps.

Your GP (Doctor)
If you’re feeling low, anxious, or overwhelmed, your GP can help with initial support, signposting, referrals to NHS counselling, or medication. It’s a good first step if you’re not in crisis but know something’s not right.

A&E (Accident & Emergency)
If you’re at serious risk of harm or experiencing a severe mental health crisis, you can go to your nearest A&E department. Mental health emergencies are just as important as physical ones — and you deserve the same care.

How is Counselling Different?

Crisis lines are there to get you through the worst moments — to keep you safe when it all feels too much. Counselling is where we begin to make sense of those moments.

In counselling, we gently explore the root causes of your struggles — whether that’s trauma, addiction, anxiety, low self-worth, or relationship difficulties. It’s a safe, non-judgmental space to understand yourself more deeply, process past pain, and move forward.

I offer down-to-earth, trauma-informed counselling online or in-person (Brenchley, near Tunbridge Wells and Tonbridge). You don’t need to have the words — we can work creatively too, using art, story, and nature to help you reconnect and feel more like you.

Which Support is Right for You?

• If you’re in immediate crisis — reach out to a crisis service, call 111 (option 2), or go to A&E.

• If you want to begin your healing journey — counselling could be the next step toward feeling lighter, more connected, and more in control of your life.

You Deserve Support

I offer a free, no-pressure introductory video call to see if counselling feels right for you. You can reach out via:

Email: louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com
Website: www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

You don’t have to face this alone. Whether you need help now, or you're ready to begin the deeper work of healing — support is here, and you are worthy of receiving it.

Louise x

That deep loneliness isn't always about being alone...

It's the feeling of being surrounded by people and still feeling invisible. Of going through the motions—smiling, chatting, showing up—while inside, you’re wondering if anyone actually sees you. Really sees you. The real you. Not just the role you play, the mask you wear, or the version of you that keeps the peace.

It's a unique ache to feel misunderstood—to sense that people are looking right past the parts of you that matter most. And in that space, it’s easy to start questioning yourself. Should I change? Should I shrink myself down to fit in better? Should I hide the parts that feel too much?

But here’s what I want you to hear:
Your true self isn’t too much. It’s just waiting to be met with the right kind of understanding.

The kind that says, “I see you. All of you. And I’m still here.”

As a counsellor, I hear these things often—this sense of not belonging, of fading, of holding back who you are. And I also get how powerful it can be to sit with someone who truly listens and gets it—no judgement, no fixing, just real connection.

You don’t have to keep fading into the background. You don’t have to keep carrying that ache alone.

If any of this resonates, I’d love to offer you a safe, down-to-earth space where you can start reconnecting with yourself, and slowly feel seen again.

I offer a free, no-obligation introductory chat—just to see how it feels, and if working together might be right for you.

Email: louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com
Website: www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

You don’t have to change who you are. You just need the right space to be who you’ve always been.

How Working in 12-Week Years Changed My Life, My Practice—and Helped My ADHD Thrive

Running a private counselling practice means wearing a lot of hats—therapist, admin manager, social media planner, CPD organiser, business owner, human being. For a long time, I felt like I was always playing catch-up. I’d start January full of motivation, then by March feel totally detached from the goals I’d set. Everything felt too far away, too big, too vague.

Then I discovered The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Moran—and it genuinely changed how I live and work.

Instead of trying to plan and pace myself across 12 long months, I started treating each 12-week block like its own mini year. I set focused goals, track my progress weekly, build in rest time, and then start fresh. It keeps things exciting, helps me stay on track, and—most importantly—I do t get bored, it suits my ADHD brain perfectly.

Why 12-Week Years Work for Me:

1. It keeps me focused without overwhelm
I choose a few clear goals each cycle—personal and professional. I'm not trying to do everything—just the right things for this moment in time.

2. It matches my energy cycles
If you’re neurodivergent, you might know the pattern: super motivated, super inspired… then crash. The 12-week approach gives me structure and enough novelty that I don’t get bored or burnt out.

3. It gives me permission to rest
Each cycle ends with a reflection and reset period. I build in space for breaks, holidays, or simply slower weeks to breathe, think and realign.

4. It helps me balance my life, not just my work
Each 12-week year includes the goals I need to hit financially, but also the things I want to experience—things that bring joy, growth, and connection.

What I’m Focusing on This 12-Week Year:

This next cycle is all about balance, creativity, and expansion. Here's what I'm leaning into:

• Getting to the gym more often – moving my body helps settle my mind and lifts my mood

• More self-care – not just bubble baths, but boundary-setting, rest, good food, and space to feel

• An inner child training retreat – a deep, meaningful few days doing my own inner work so I can better hold space for others

• A shame course – to deepen my understanding of how shame impacts my clients and how to gently work with it

• Another inner child theory course – because I’m always learning and evolving my practice

• A cupcake decorating course – just for fun, because joy and play are also healing

I also look at what I want to earn over the 12 weeks, how many clients I’d like to support, and which CPD trainings I want to attend that truly nourish my practice.

ADHD-Friendly, Therapist-Approved

This way of working has honestly transformed my business and my wellbeing. I no longer feel stretched thin trying to manage a whole year in my head. I get to reflect, refocus, and reset more regularly. My practice has grown in ways that feel aligned, not forced. And most importantly—I enjoy the process.

If you’ve ever struggled with long-term planning, or felt like the traditional calendar just doesn’t work for your brain, this might be something to explore for yourself too.

And if you’re looking to work with a therapist who gets it—someone who understands the pressure, the overstimulation, the burnout, and the longing for something gentler and more real—my inbox is open.

I offer a free, no-obligation introductory session, and together we can look at how counselling could support you, wherever you are in your own season.

Email: louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com
Website: www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

Seasons Changing, Moods Shifting:

When Expectations Leave Us Feeling Lost

There’s something about the change in seasons that stirs up emotions we didn’t even realise we were holding. The slow fade of summer into autumn, the sudden brightness of spring after winter—these transitions can bring excitement, but also an unexpected heaviness.

Maybe it’s the contrast between what we thought a season would bring and what it actually delivers. A long-anticipated summer filled with plans that didn’t quite live up to the dream. A crisp autumn that was supposed to be cosy and reflective but instead feels isolating. The pressure to embrace the “fresh start” energy of spring when you still feel stuck.

Expectations can be tricky. They set us up for excitement but also for disappointment. And when things don’t match up, it’s easy to wonder: Is it me? Am I doing life wrong?

The Weight of Expectations: Who Are We Really Doing This For?

The truth is, many of us are following unspoken scripts—subtle pressures from social media, family, and the world around us about what life should look like at different moments. We go along with them because it’s easier than sitting in the discomfort of not knowing who we truly are or what we actually want.

• Do I really love this lifestyle, or am I just keeping up appearances?

• Am I actually happy, or have I just convinced myself I should be?

• Do I even know what I want, or am I just following the crowd?

This is where imposter syndrome sneaks in. The sense that we’re playing a role rather than living authentically. That we’re pretending to have it together while secretly doubting every decision we make.

And when we feel disconnected from ourselves, it’s no surprise that self-esteem suffers. We start looking outward for validation, measuring our worth against how well we fit into the expectations of others rather than how we truly feel inside.

How Therapy Helps Untangle These Feelings

Therapy offers space to slow down and ask: Where did these messages come from? Who taught me to doubt myself? Why do I feel like I’m not enough?

By exploring these questions, we start to see the patterns shaping our thoughts and behaviors. The expectations we absorbed from childhood, the fear of standing out, the ways we shrink ourselves to fit in.

When we uncover where these beliefs come from, we can begin to challenge them. We can build a sense of self that isn’t rooted in external approval but in genuine self-acceptance.

Rediscovering Who You Are

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, lost, or like you’re constantly falling short of some invisible standard, you’re not alone. The shift in seasons, the weight of expectations, the creeping sense of self-doubt—it’s all part of being human. But you don’t have to stay stuck in it.

Therapy can help you reconnect with yourself, challenge the inner critic, and build confidence in who you truly are—not just who you think you’re supposed to be.

Because real happiness doesn’t come from meeting expectations. It comes from letting them go.

A Five-Minute Outdoor Exercise to Reconnect with Yourself

If you’re feeling stuck in expectations, self-doubt, or like you’re losing touch with who you really are, take five or ten minutes to step outside and try this simple grounding exercise.

Step 1: Change Your View

Go outside—into your garden, a park, a quiet street, or even just stand by an open window. Take a deep breath and notice what’s around you. The sky, the trees, the feeling of the air on your skin. Let yourself be present in this moment, outside of the expectations and pressures of everyday life.

Step 2: Find Something That Speaks to You

Look for one natural object that stands out—a leaf, a stone, a flower, a cloud shape. Pick it up or simply observe it closely. Ask yourself:

• What drew me to this?

• What does this object make me feel?

• If it represented something about me, what would that be?

For example, a fallen leaf might remind you that change is natural, not failure. A stone might symbolise the strength you forget you have.

Step 3: Walk with a Question

As you walk (even if it’s just a few steps), ask yourself:

• If I let go of others' expectations, what would I do differently?

• What part of myself am I ready to embrace more?

You don’t need to have an answer right away—just let the question sit with you.

Step 4: Leave or Take a Reminder

You can choose to leave the object where it is as a symbolic “letting go” of what’s weighing you down, or take it with you as a small reminder that you are allowed to be exactly who you are.

Why This Helps

Getting outside, even briefly, helps shift your perspective and step out of the mental loop of self-doubt. This exercise encourages intuition, self-reflection, and a sense of connection—to yourself and the world around you.

If you found something meaningful in this moment, therapy can help you explore these feelings further and support you in stepping more fully into your authentic self.

Take gentle care

Louise x

Dreading Mother's Day?

To Anyone Dreading Mothering Sunday: This Is for You ❤️

Mother’s Day is everywhere. It’s in the shop windows filled with pastel greeting cards, in the social media posts about love and gratitude, in the well-meaning conversations that assume a mother is someone to be cherished, celebrated, and adored.

But for many, this day is not soft and warm—it’s heavy, complicated, and raw.

If you’ve been hurt, abandoned, dismissed, or estranged from your mother, Mothering Sunday doesn’t feel like a time to celebrate. It feels like a reminder. A reminder of what you lost, or what you never had. A reminder of the mother who couldn’t love you the way you needed. The mother who hurt you, neglected you, or left you carrying wounds so deep they still shape the way you move through the world.

For you, this day may bring a quiet ache or a sharp, unbearable grief. Maybe you find yourself scrolling past posts that don’t apply to you, sitting with questions that will never be answered:

Why wasn’t I enough?
Did she ever love me?
Why does this still hurt, even after all this time?

Perhaps you had to set boundaries to survive, walking away from a relationship that cost you too much. Maybe you’re still in contact, still navigating a connection that is fraught with tension, unspoken wounds, and unmet needs.

And then there’s the guilt—because society tells us that no matter what, a mother is to be honored. That we should reach out. That we should forgive. That "she did the best she could."

But what if her best was never enough to keep you safe?

What if healing meant choosing distance?

What if love, in its truest form, is the absence of harm?

For those of you feeling unseen, unheard, and deeply alone today—I see you. I see the strength it has taken to protect yourself, to unlearn the lies you were told about your worth. I see the quiet grief you carry, the longing for a mother who never truly arrived for you, the exhaustion of trying to fill that space with logic, with understanding, with something—anything—that will finally make it make sense.

You do not have to celebrate today.
You do not have to perform love where love was not given to you.
You do not have to justify your boundaries, your choices, or your pain.

What you do deserve is kindness—to yourself, to your story, to the younger you who just wanted to be loved the way every child should be.

If today feels like too much, let it be just another Sunday.
If you need space, take it.
If you need to grieve, grieve.
If you need to be held in understanding, know that you are not alone.

Mothering Sunday is not just about the mothers who gave birth to us—it is also about re-mothering ourselves, about finding the love, safety, and care we needed elsewhere. In friendships. In partners. In our own self-compassion. In the quiet knowing that we are worthy of love, even if the person who was supposed to show it first never did.

However you spend today, let it be in a way that honours you.

Reach out if you want to talk. You don't have to do this alone.

Take gentle care,
Louise

Wildfire Counselling & Therapy
www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

Men’s Mental Health

It’s Time to Talk

Men don’t talk. At least, that’s the stereotype. Just crack on, push it down, don’t make a fuss. Because that’s what you’ve been told, right? That’s what society has drilled into you. Keep it together. Be strong. Don’t let them see you struggle.

But what happens when that pressure builds too much? When the weight of it all gets too heavy?

The Reality: The Silent Struggle

Men are dying by suicide at alarming rates. In the UK, around 75% of suicides are men. That’s not because men feel pain any less than women. It’s because men are less likely to ask for help. Less likely to say, "I’m not okay." Less likely to admit they’re struggling.

And I get it. Maybe you don’t want to be seen as weak. Maybe you don’t even have the words for what’s going on in your head. Maybe you’ve tried opening up before, and it didn’t go well.

That doesn’t mean you have to keep doing this alone.

This Isn’t Traditional Therapy

When you picture therapy, what do you see? A stiff office, a stranger with a clipboard, a clinical room where you’re expected to spill your deepest feelings? Yeah, I wouldn’t want that either.

That’s not how I work.

I’m down to earth. I use language that’s understood (yes I swear 🤷🏻‍♀️ i’m human and very real!!!)

There’s no pressure, no judgement, no awkwardness. Just a conversation. It might be with a coffee in hand, or even a can of Coke Zero if that’s more your thing. No scary therapist vibes—just a real person who gets it.

We can talk about the things you feel like you can’t say to your mates. The thoughts that keep you up at night. The stress that’s eating away at you. The stuff that’s been buried so deep, you’re not even sure how to start untangling it.

And if you don’t know where to start? That’s okay too. I’ll help with that.

You Don’t Have to Be at Rock Bottom to Reach Out

Therapy isn’t just for when things have hit the absolute worst. You don’t have to wait until you’re drowning. If something feels off—if life feels heavy, if you’re constantly on edge, if you feel like you’re carrying a weight you can’t put down—that’s reason enough to talk.

Let’s Start the Conversation

If this has struck a chord, if something in this feels familiar, reach out. No pressure, no commitment—just an initial chat to see if this could help.

Because you don’t have to go through this alone. And you don’t have to keep it all inside.

Wildfire Counselling & Therapy Hub – Brenchley & Online
📍 Face-to-face or online sessions
📧 louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com
🌍 www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

Couples.....

The Privilege of Working with Couples: Navigating Love, Conflict, and Connection

There’s something incredibly powerful about sitting with two people who, despite everything, still care enough to try. Couples counselling is a privilege—being invited into the most vulnerable, raw, and honest moments of a relationship, helping untangle the mess, and witnessing those small but significant shifts that can change everything.

Relationships are complicated. No matter how much love is there, life has a way of testing it. Stress, miscommunication, resentment, and past wounds can all creep in, slowly chipping away at what once felt effortless. And let’s be honest—who actually teaches us how to do relationships well? Most of us learn through trial and error, influenced by what we saw growing up, past relationships, or pure instinct. Sometimes that works. Other times, it leads to patterns that leave both people feeling unheard, unappreciated, or stuck in cycles of hurt.

Why Couples Counselling Works

The beauty of couples work is that it’s not about choosing who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface—what’s driving the conflicts, the distance, the miscommunication. When we slow things down, explore emotions rather than just reactions, and start truly hearing each other, incredible things can happen.

I’ve seen couples go from constant arguments to deeper intimacy. From feeling like they’re living parallel lives to reconnecting in ways they never thought possible. From total hopelessness to rediscovering why they chose each other in the first place.

The success of couples therapy isn’t just about "fixing" things—it’s about learning how to communicate in a way that actually works, rebuilding trust if it’s been broken, and understanding the patterns that keep tripping you up. It’s about moving forward in a way that feels better, whatever that may look like for you as a couple.

The Option to Work Together & Individually

One of the things I love about this work is the balance between couples sessions and individual sessions. Sometimes, what’s happening in a relationship is deeply tied to personal struggles—past trauma, attachment wounds, low self-esteem, or fear of abandonment. Having space to explore those things individually, alongside the couples work, can make a huge difference in healing both yourself and the relationship.

A Safe Space, No Judgment

It’s a big step to reach out for couples therapy. It can feel daunting, like admitting failure or fearing that things might get worse before they get better. But here’s the thing—just being willing to sit down together and try is already a huge step toward change.

My job isn’t to take sides, shame, or decide your future. It’s to create a space where both of you feel heard, where things slow down enough to make sense, and where we can start finding a way forward together.

If You’re Struggling, You’re Not Alone

Relationships take work, and struggling doesn’t mean failure. If things feel heavy right now—if communication is breaking down, if resentment is building, if the love is there but you don’t know how to reach each other anymore—counselling can help.

Let’s have a chat. I offer a free, no-obligation introductory call to see if we’d be a good fit. Whether it’s online or in-person, let’s work together to create a relationship that feels stronger, healthier, and more connected.

Take gentle care of

Louise x

Embracing Our Inner Artist

A few days up north with the Creative Counsellors group was not just about learning new tools—though there were plenty of those! It was about connection, creativity, and allowing ourselves to feel in ways that we often don’t get the chance to. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that everyone is artistic. If you can make a mark on a bit of paper, you’re already creating. Simple as that.

In our time away, we explored the deep stuff—our own emotions, the messy, complicated ones that often get shoved into the corners of our minds. And yes, we did that through art. But not the kind of art you think of when you picture a pristine canvas and perfectly executed brushstrokes. No, this was raw, real, heart-led art. Forget perfection, forget technique. It’s about expression—letting your heart and gut guide the way, leaving the overthinking behind.

We were inspired by Angie Dulwich and the Inside Out movie, which is a brilliant metaphor for how we process emotions. Just like the characters, we all have a team of emotions inside us, trying to make sense of the chaos in our heads. Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust—they all deserve to be felt. Working with these emotions is about making space for them, acknowledging their existence, and not pushing them away. The real magic happens when we start to embrace them with creativity.

That’s why I love using creative approaches in therapy. Art, music, and even sand trays are tools that invite people to explore emotions and stories that words just can’t capture. It’s like an invitation to access a deeper part of ourselves, the part where feelings live—outside of the head and into the heart. You don’t need to be ‘good’ at art to benefit from this work.

As a collective, we sat down with Honorata Chorazy-Przybysz and some basic materials—pens, paper, watercolour, oil pastels, and markers—and were told to let go of any ideas of what art ‘should’ be. We were to draw our feelings, without thinking. What’s amazing is how easily it opens up space for expression. Just make a mark. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being authentic. It’s about tapping into the heart and gut, not the head.

And let me tell you, it’s one of the most freeing feelings. No one judged our scribbles or shapes. They weren’t meant to be ‘art’ in the traditional sense—they were simply reflections of our inner worlds. And this freedom to express through creativity is why I bring this approach into my counselling practice. Art doesn’t need to be pretty—it just needs to be real.

We also talked about our emotional landscapes, just like the Inside Out characters. How sometimes we feel like a team of emotions all at once—each pulling us in different directions, trying to be seen. And that’s okay. Sometimes the process of just expressing it can be the thing that brings you the clarity you need. That’s when healing begins. You don’t have to “get it right” in therapy. You just have to show up.

As I look back on the trip, I’m reminded of how important it is to keep learning, keep connecting, and keep playing with creative tools that help us open up emotionally. Because when we use creativity in therapy, we’re not just making marks on paper—we’re making progress. Sometimes, you need to step away from your thinking brain and dive into the feelings that live beneath.

So, if you’re in therapy with me, or thinking about starting, know this: you don’t need to be an artist. You just need to be willing to let go of the head and trust the heart. The emotions are there, and they’ll find their way out—sometimes in unexpected ways, sometimes through a piece of paper that’s covered in scribbles, and sometimes with a deep, satisfying sigh of relief.

Stay creative, stay curious, and most importantly—stay connected to your true self.

Take gentle care of yourself

Louise x

Has Therapy Let You Down Before?

Why Finding the Right Support Matters

For many people, therapy is meant to be a safe space—a place to heal, process, and feel understood. But what happens when that isn’t the case?

Maybe you finally opened up, only to feel judged or unheard. Maybe you were pushed too far, too fast, or your pain was brushed aside like it wasn’t important. Maybe you left feeling worse than when you started. If therapy has let you down before, I want you to know—you’re not alone. And it doesn’t have to be that way.

Why Therapy Sometimes Fails

Unfortunately, not all therapy experiences are positive. Some therapists follow a rigid approach that doesn’t take individual needs into account. Others may not fully understand trauma, pushing clients too quickly into painful emotions without providing the right support. Sometimes, it’s just not the right fit. And when therapy doesn’t feel safe, it can be deeply disheartening—leaving you questioning if help is even possible.

How I Work Differently

I believe therapy should feel safe, supportive, and led by you. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing, and I don’t see you as just a “case” or a diagnosis. You are a whole person with a unique story, and your healing journey should be at your own pace, in a way that works for you.

Here’s what I offer:
✅ A safe, non-judgmental space – You don’t have to censor yourself or say what you think I want to hear.
✅ Support without pressure – We go at your pace. No forcing, no rushing—just genuine, tailored support.
✅ Rebuilding trust in therapy – If past therapy experiences have left you feeling unheard, I’m here to show you that it can be different.
✅ Creative and flexible approaches – Words alone aren’t always enough. I offer different ways to explore emotions, from talking therapy to creative interventions.

Healing Is About Being Seen, Not "Fixed"

Healing isn’t about becoming someone else or getting rid of “problems.” It’s about feeling seen, heard, and understood. It’s about working through what’s happened to you in a way that makes sense to you, not what someone else thinks should work.

If you’re feeling hesitant about trying therapy again, I understand. But if you’re ready to explore a different kind of support, I offer a free, no-obligation intro call to see if we’re a good fit. There’s no pressure—just a space where you matter.

📍 Face-to-face therapy in Brenchley, Tunbridge Wells & Tonbridge
💻 Online sessions available
📧 louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com
🌎 www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

#TherapyThatGetsIt #YouAreNotAlone #TraumaRecovery #CPTSDHealing #SafeSpace #WildfireCounselling #HealingIsMessy #MentalHealthMatters

Journal?

Journaling, Monsters, and the Messy Truth About Being Me

Let’s be real: journaling and I haven’t always been best mates. I have ADHD, so the idea of sitting down with a beautifully curated notebook, perfectly colour-coded pens, and neatly organised thoughts has often felt like a great idea—right up until it wasn’t. Before I know it, the pressure to “do it right” takes over, and I’m left feeling like a failure before I’ve even started. And don’t get me started on the whole “Insta-worthy” thing. What is Insta-worthy, anyway?

For ages, I believed journaling (and, to be honest, life) had to look a certain way. Like everything needed to be polished, orderly, and tied up with a neat little bow. But here’s the truth: my life isn’t like that. It’s loud, messy, and wonderfully chaotic. My self-care isn’t all lavender candles and perfectly steeped tea; it’s books, cans of fizzy, biscuits, and the occasional nap under a heap of unfolded laundry 🤣

Sometimes, I’m my own worst critic. I get snappy and impatient with myself, especially when things aren’t as “together” as I think they should be. But lately, I’ve been working on giving myself permission—permission to grab anything at hand, a random notebook, use a biro that’s running out of ink, or even just doodle with a crayon. I’ve realised that journaling (and self-care) doesn’t have to be pretty to be powerful.

Take today’s journaling page, for example. It’s messy and unapologetically me. On one side is my monster—bright red, pointy, chaotic, and just a bit terrifying. It’s the part of me that shows up when I’m overwhelmed or frustrated, the part that snaps when things don’t feel good enough. On the other side is my self-care—a soft, fluffy cloud filled with books, sweets, and random comforts. It’s not perfect either, but it’s honest.

This exercise has been a reminder that my monsters aren’t something to fight or suppress; they’re just part of me. And so are my softer, gentler bits. Life doesn’t come wrapped in a bow, and neither do I.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of journaling—or life in general—let me tell you this: you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have the right tools, the right timing, or the right anything. Just start. Grab a notebook, a scrap of paper, or the back of an old receipt and write. Draw. Scribble. Do whatever feels right.

If you’re reading this, I’d love for you to join me in this journaling challenge. Use any page, any pen, and start wherever you are—Thursday, halfway through the month, whenever. Let’s let go of the idea that we have to wait for the “right time” or the “right tools.” Just start.

What does your monster look like? How do you show it some love? You don’t have to share, but if you do, I’d love to hear about it. Let’s be messy, real, and gloriously imperfect together.

Take gentle care,
Louise x

How it works

How does it work?

Right now, life might feel like it’s falling apart. You could be feeling lost, overwhelmed, or stuck in patterns you can’t seem to break. If you’re going through one of the hardest times in your life and aren’t sure how to move forward, know that you’re not alone—you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

As a sober counsellor who is a survivor, with lived experience of trauma and over 20 years in emergency services, I understand how tough life can be. I’m not here to tell you how to feel or what to do; I’m here to sit with you through the mess, help you make sense of what’s going on, and find a way forward that feels right for you.

Counselling with me is not about following a script or ticking boxes. It’s about creating a space where you can be yourself, share what’s on your mind, and explore what’s been weighing you down. Whether you want to talk things through or feel unsure of where to start, we’ll take it one step at a time, meeting you where you are.

HOW I CAN HELP YOU

When life feels like a constant struggle, getting through the day can feel overwhelming. We’ll work together to uncover what’s going on beneath the surface and begin to lighten the emotional load.

• Manage Emotions: If you’re feeling anxious, angry, ashamed, or completely stuck, I can help you untangle those feelings and find relief.

• Improve Relationships: Struggling with family, friends, or a partner? We can explore the patterns that keep repeating and find better ways to connect with those you care about.

• Build Self-Esteem: If you feel like you’re never good enough, we’ll work together to rebuild your confidence and help you feel more grounded in who you are.

• Find Balance in Life: Life doesn’t have to be a never-ending fight. Together, we’ll explore how to bring more balance and joy back into your days, so you can start living instead of just surviving.

WHY I’M DIFFERENT

What sets me apart is that I truly get it. I’ve faced tough times myself, and I know how important it is to feel heard and supported when everything feels out of control. While I don’t have all the answers, I’m here to listen without judgment, help you explore what’s going on, and find a way through that makes sense for you.

I offer more than just traditional talk therapy. If sitting and talking about your feelings feels too challenging, that’s okay. We can get creative—whether through art, nature, or even walking and talking. The most important thing is finding what works for you.

You don’t have to go through this alone. Together, we can make sense of the chaos and help you move toward a life that feels more manageable and fulfilling.

As an integrative counsellor, I blend person-centred therapy’s here-and-now focus with the deeper exploration of psychodynamic therapy, including inner-child work. My approach is entirely non-directive and client-led, allowing you to guide the journey at your pace.

I’m deeply committed to creating a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental environment where you can feel seen and heard. The therapeutic relationship is at the heart of everything I do, and I believe this trust is key to real healing. You are the expert in your own life, and I will never claim to know better. My role is to sit alongside you, listen with empathy, and offer a space where you can explore your emotions, thoughts, and experiences freely.

Counselling with me is about finding what works best for you. For some, that means face-to-face conversations in a traditional setting. For others, the idea of sitting opposite a therapist may feel too intense. That’s why I offer creative, non-traditional methods to explore your inner world. Whether through art, fairy tales, sand trays, collages, or walking in nature, I tailor the process to meet your needs.

HOW IT CAN HELP YOU

Life can often feel like a tangled ball of wool—messy, overwhelming, and difficult to make sense of. In our work together, I’ll help you gently untangle that mess, one thread at a time, allowing you to gain clarity and understanding. There’s no rush; we can take as much time as you need. The focus is on your growth, at your pace.

With over 20 years in emergency services and my own lived experience of trauma, I bring a down-to-earth, empathetic understanding to my practice. I specialise in but am not limited to areas like alcohol addiction, ADHD, personality disorders, CPTSD, PTSD, domestic violence, anger, low self-esteem, trauma, relationships, anxiety, and supporting survivors of sexual abuse. My personal and professional experiences enable me to support you in ways that truly resonate, helping you break free from patterns that have been holding you back.

IIn our sessions, we’ll work together to:

• Manage Difficult Emotions:

  • Identify and understand overwhelming feelings like anxiety, anger, sadness, and shame.

  • Develop coping strategies to navigate these emotions effectively.

  • Explore triggers and patterns related to your emotional experiences.

  • Learn techniques to express emotions in a healthy way.

• Heal and Improve Relationships:

  • Assess and understand existing relationship dynamics (family, friends, partners).

  • Identify patterns that may be causing conflict or dissatisfaction.

  • Develop healthier communication skills to express needs and feelings.

  • Work on setting boundaries to foster mutual respect and understanding.

  • Explore forgiveness and healing past wounds that impact current relationships.

• Support Couples:

  • Navigate conflicts and misunderstandings that arise in the relationship.

  • Enhance communication skills to foster open and honest dialogue.

  • Explore individual needs and desires within the relationship.

  • Work together to rebuild trust and intimacy after breaches.

  • Develop strategies to support each other during challenging times.

  • Identify and address underlying issues that may be affecting the partnership.

• Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence:

  • Challenge negative self-beliefs and self-talk.

  • Recognise and celebrate your strengths and achievements.

  • Build a positive self-image and develop self-compassion.

  • Practice assertiveness to communicate your needs and desires confidently.

  • Create personalised affirmations to reinforce your self-worth.

• Find Balance and Joy in Life:

  • Identify sources of stress and overwhelm in your life.

  • Explore self-care practices to nourish your well-being.

  • Develop routines that promote balance and structure.

  • Discover hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

  • Integrate mindfulness and relaxation techniques to cultivate inner peace.

• Process Trauma and Past Events:

  • Create a safe space to explore and process traumatic experiences.

  • Understand how past events shape current thoughts and behaviors.

  • Work through feelings of guilt, shame, or blame related to trauma.

  • Develop strategies to cope with flashbacks or intrusive memories.

  • Foster healing through storytelling and reflection on your experiences.

• Explore Personal Growth:

  • Set achievable goals for personal development and growth.

  • Reflect on past experiences to gain insight and understanding.

  • Create a vision for the future that aligns with your values and desires.

  • Cultivate resilience and adaptability to face life’s challenges.

  • Embrace the journey of self-discovery and transformation.

• Navigate Life Transitions:

  • Address feelings of uncertainty during major life changes (e.g., career shifts, relationship changes).

  • Explore strategies to cope with grief, loss, or major life adjustments.

  • Support you in finding clarity and direction in uncertain times.

  • Develop a plan for moving forward and embracing new opportunities.

• Enhance Coping Skills:

  • Equip you with tools and techniques to manage stress and anxiety.

  • Teach problem-solving skills to tackle everyday challenges.

  • Encourage healthy lifestyle changes that support emotional well-being.

  • Foster resilience to bounce back from setbacks and adversity.

• Utilise Creative Approaches:

  • Incorporate art, journaling, or other creative methods to express thoughts and feelings.

  • Explore nature-based therapies to enhance connection and healing.

  • Use metaphorical tools (e.g., sand trays, fairy tales) to explore complex emotions.

  • Create a therapeutic environment that feels safe and engaging.

• Support Young People and Children:

  • Provide a safe and welcoming space for children and teens to express their feelings.

  • Use age-appropriate language and activities to help them articulate their emotions.

  • Explore family dynamics and friendships to enhance social skills and relationships.

  • Address challenges related to school, peers, or transitions (e.g., moving schools, puberty).

  • Encourage self-expression through creative activities like art, play, or storytelling.

  • Help them build resilience and coping strategies to navigate life’s challenges.

    Ultimately, my goal is to create the right conditions for you to experience growth, healing, and transformation. Whether that involves creative tools, deep emotional work, or simply a space where you feel safe to be yourself, together we’ll embark on a journey toward resilience, self-discovery, and lasting positive change.

Attached?

Louise Talks Life.

Whats your Attachment style?

Let’s Untangle Your Relationship Patterns (and Have a Laugh While We’re At It)

Ever felt like your relationships are on repeat? The same worries, the same arguments, the same heartbreak? Maybe you’ve wondered, Is it me? Is it them? Is it... both of us? If so, you’re not alone.

Let’s talk about attachment styles—those sneaky, subconscious scripts we all follow in relationships. These styles, formed in childhood (thanks, caregivers), shape how we connect with others. And the kicker? They can show up everywhere—from your love life to your friendships, even at work.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck. Therapy (yes, even the creative kind I offer) can help you untangle the knots, find clarity, and start connecting in healthier, happier ways.

What Are Attachment Styles Anyway?

In a nutshell, attachment styles are like your emotional autopilot in relationships. There are four main types:

1. Secure – You’re balanced, grounded, and generally a relationship Jedi.

2. Avoidant – You’re the cool customer who doesn’t need anyone (or so you tell yourself).

3. Anxious – You crave connection but constantly worry it’ll disappear.

4. Disorganised – You want love but fear it, making relationships feel like emotional whiplash.

And while these styles might sound like personality quirks, they’re deeply rooted in your early experiences. Basically, your attachment style is like a love language... but for your nervous system.

A Quick Peek at the Styles

Secure: The Gold Standard

• What it feels like: “I’m good. You’re good. We’re good.”

• The struggle: Let’s be honest—you’re probably not here reading this. But if you are, maybe you’re wondering how to help loved ones stuck in less secure patterns.

Avoidant: The Lone Wolf

• What it feels like: “Feelings? No thanks. I’m fine on my own.”

• How it shows up: You hate clinginess, but deep down, intimacy feels... terrifying.

• How therapy can help: We’d explore what you’re running from. Maybe we’ll even get creative—like sketching out the “emotional walls” you’ve built. (Spoiler alert: they’re probably not as protective as you think.)

Anxious: The Overthinker

• What it feels like: “Why didn’t they text back? Are they mad? Did I do something wrong?”

• How it shows up: You might cling, over-apologise, or spiral when you sense distance.

• How therapy can help: Together, we’ll work on quieting that inner critic and building your confidence. Maybe we’ll use storytelling to reframe those old narratives of “I’m not enough.”

Disorganised: The Wild Card

• What it feels like: “Come closer... no, wait, go away!”

• How it shows up: Relationships feel chaotic, and trust is a minefield.

• How therapy can help: This is where we dig deep, unpacking past trauma and creating new, stable foundations. And hey, if words feel too much, we can use sand trays, art, or metaphors to gently explore those tricky feelings.

How I Found My Attachment Style (and Why It Blew My Mind)

Here’s where it gets personal. When I first learned about attachment styles, it was like someone handed me the instruction manual for my emotional life. Suddenly, I understood why certain relationships felt so hard and why I kept repeating the same patterns.

And the best part? Therapy didn’t just help me see the patterns—it gave me the tools to change them.

That’s why I’m so passionate about using creative approaches in my counselling. Whether we’re doodling, walking through the woods, or sipping hot chocolate while we chat, I want therapy to feel safe, approachable, and tailored to you.

How Attachment Affects Your Life (Yes, Even Outside Relationships)

Attachment styles don’t just stop at your love life. They can seep into everything:

• Friendships: Struggling to trust? Overgiving to feel accepted? That’s attachment at play.

• Work: Avoiding collaboration or obsessing over feedback? Yep, attachment again.

• Parenting: Wondering if you’re overprotective or distant? Guess what... attachment!

The first step to change is awareness. Once you see how these patterns show up, you can start to shift them.

5 Practical Tips for Untangling Attachment Struggles

1. Get Curious
   Start by noticing your triggers. Does distance freak you out? Does closeness make you itchy? Jot it down—awareness is half the battle.

2. Reframe the Story
   Those old beliefs like “I’m unlovable” or “People always let me down”? They’re not facts; they’re stories. In therapy, we can rewrite them together.

3. Build Your Tribe
   Surround yourself with people who are secure, supportive, and kind. They’ll help you practice healthy connection.

4. Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them)
   Whether you’re too clingy or too distant, boundaries create balance. And they’re a game-changer for self-respect.

5. Seek Therapy
   Honestly, working with a counsellor who gets it can be life-changing. We’ll explore your patterns, heal past wounds, and build healthier ways of connecting.

Ready to Break the Cycle?

You’re not doomed by your attachment style—it’s just a starting point. With the right support, you can shift from chaos to calm, fear to confidence, disconnection to deep, fulfilling relationships.

So if you’re ready to explore your attachment style—and maybe laugh, cry, or get a little creative along the way—reach out. I’d love to help.

Drop me an email at louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com or visit www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk. Let’s untangle those patterns and rewrite your story—together.

Until next time,
Louise

Welcome!

Louise Talks Life

Welcome to Louise Talks Life!

Hi, I’m Louise, and I’m so glad you’ve stumbled across my little corner of the internet. Whether you’re here out of curiosity, desperation, or procrastination (no judgment—I've been there), welcome! I’m a counsellor based in the lovely countryside of Brenchley, where I help people untangle the messy bits of life in my cosy therapy hub, Wildfire Counselling & Therapy.

I offer a unique blend of counselling approaches that includes traditional talking therapy, creative interventions, and sometimes a bit of fresh air with my walk-and-talk sessions. Let’s face it, sometimes words alone just don’t cut it—especially when you're trying to unpack years of trauma, unhelpful patterns, or the dreaded "What am I doing with my life?" spiral.

So, Who Do I Help?

I work with people who are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or just plain fed up. Maybe you're battling past trauma, struggling with low self-esteem, or trying to mend a relationship that feels like it’s held together by duct tape and hope. Or perhaps you’re dealing with ADHD, anxiety, addiction, or a combination of it all and don’t know where to start. Don’t worry—you’re not alone, and I get it.

With 20 years of experience in emergency services, my own personal journey through trauma, and now as a grounded, sober counsellor, I’ve walked a few tough paths myself. That’s why I’m passionate about offering a space that’s safe, supportive, and free of judgment—whether we’re in the therapy room or wandering around the fields of my seven-acre smallholding.

What Makes Me Different?

Here’s the thing: I’m not your traditional therapist who sits stiffly in a chair, nodding and repeating, “And how does that make you feel?” (although, let’s be honest, I will ask that sometimes—it’s a classic for a reason). Instead, I mix things up. We might use art, fairy tales, or even a tray of sand to help you express yourself. Because when words fail, there’s always glitter glue and metaphors, right?

Also, coffee and hot chocolate are welcome in my sessions. Therapy can be intense, so why not make it a little more comforting?

Why Louise Talks Life?

Because life is messy, beautiful, unpredictable, and sometimes downright infuriating—and I’m here to help you navigate all of it. Through this blog, I’ll be sharing insights about relationships, attachment styles (hello, disorganised attachment—my old frenemy), creative ways to process emotions, and little nuggets of wisdom I’ve picked up along the way.

Expect a mix of humour, honesty, and hopefully, the occasional “aha!” moment that sticks with you. My goal is to make therapy and self-reflection feel a little less daunting and a lot more human.

Ready to Start Your Journey?

If anything I’ve said resonates with you—or even if you just fancy a chat with someone who gets it—reach out. You can find me at www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk or drop me an email at louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com. Let’s figure it out together, one session (and possibly one coffee) at a time.

Until next time,
Louise