When the Past Isn’t Past: Trauma, Pregnancy & Birth (Even Years Later)

I was watching Virgin River the other day.

There was a storyline around polyhydramnios.

And just like that… I wasn’t on my sofa anymore.

I was back there.

My son is nearly 28.
And it hit my body like it was yesterday.

The fear.
The aloneness.
The not knowing what was going to happen next.

Without going into detail… I nearly died.

My mum sat by my side after being told it was touch and go whether I would live. The trauma and fear she must have felt, the kids dad too. Powerless.

“Yet that was years ago…”

Yes.

And also… no.

Because trauma doesn’t work in timelines.

Trauma is anything the brain couldn’t fully process at the time.

And pregnancy and childbirth?

They can be full of moments like that.

• Medical emergencies

• Loss of control

• Fear for your life or your baby’s

• Not being heard

• Not understanding what’s happening

• Being left alone in moments you needed someone

Even when everything “turns out okay” on paper…

The body might tell a different story.

Why it can come back years later

You might not think about it for years.

Then something small triggers it:

A TV show
A conversation
A smell
A hospital setting
Even your own child reaching a certain age

And suddenly…

Your heart is racing.
Your chest is tight.
You feel emotional, shaky, overwhelmed.

And it can feel confusing.

“Why is this coming up now?”

Because that part of you is still there.

Not broken.
Not dramatic.

Just… unprocessed.

This isn’t just about “near death”

We often think trauma has to be extreme.

It doesn’t.

Trauma is subjective.

It’s about what your nervous system experienced as too much.

That could be:

• A difficult labour

• Feeling dismissed by medical professionals

• An emergency C-section

• Birth not going to plan

• Postnatal complications

• Feeling unsupported or alone

• Fear, confusion, or overwhelm

All of that can stay in the body.

And it’s not just the person giving birth

Partners too.

They often:

• Feel helpless

• Powerless

• Terrified

• Like they have to “stay strong”

And there’s very little space for them to process that.

I’ve sat with partners who still carry those moments years later.

What helped me in that moment

I didn’t push it away.

I didn’t tell myself to “get over it.”

I noticed it.

I slowed down.

And I met that younger, vulnerable part of me with compassion.

Not judgement.

Not frustration.

Just:
“That was a lot. No wonder it still lives in me.”

Because this is the truth

You don’t just “move on” from things your body hasn’t processed.

You carry them.

Until something, or someone, helps you gently look at them.

How therapy can help

You don’t have to relive every detail.

You don’t even have to have the “right words.”

We can:

• Work with what your body remembers

• Notice triggers and responses

• Gently process what feels safe to explore

• Bring understanding to reactions that feel confusing

• Reduce the intensity of those emotional waves

At your pace.

Always.

If this resonates

You’re not alone.

You’re not overreacting.

And you’re definitely not “making a fuss.”

Your body did exactly what it was designed to do, protect you.

It just hasn’t had the chance to fully stand down yet.

Even after all these years, I can feel it.

However, now?

I can also hold it.

With compassion.
With understanding.
Without shame.

And that changes everything.

If pregnancy, birth, or anything around that time still feels “alive” in you… even years later…

I see you.

It makes sense.

And it’s something we can gently work through, together.

Stay safe, stay connected, take gentle care
Louise x

If this resonates, you’re not on your own.

Pull up a chair.

I've got you.                                          

If you’re tired of carrying it alone, I’m here.

We can take it at your pace. No pressure. No fixing. Just space to be human.

📧 louisemalyancounselling@gmail.com

🌐 www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

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