Sorry, I Know I’m Talking Too Much!” Why I Offer Therapy Sessions From 50 Minutes to Four Hours

Sorry, I Know I’m Talking Too Much!” Why I Offer Therapy Sessions From 50 Minutes to Four Hours

Because sometimes 50 minutes is enough. Sometimes you’ve only just found your words. And sometimes, you need the time and space to really get into something without watching the clock.

“Oh crap, I’m oversharing again!”

Can we talk about that word for a minute?

Oversharing.

I really dislike it.

Especially when I hear it coming from someone who’s spent years being told they’re too much.

Too loud. Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too intense. Too chatty. Too complicated.

And now they’re sitting in therapy, a space they’ve specifically come to so they can talk about themselves, apologising for talking about themselves.

The irony!

“Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Sorry, I’ve gone off on a tangent.”

“Sorry, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

“Sorry, I know we’ve gone over time.”

“Sorry, I’m probably oversharing.”

Honestly, if I had a pound for every time someone apologised for talking in therapy, I’d probably have that crystal ball and magic wand I’ve been after for years. 🤣

Here’s something I want you to know.

You don’t have to apologise for needing to talk.

And you don’t have to arrive with a perfectly rehearsed, chronological account of your life.

Some people can tell you exactly what’s troubling them within the first five minutes.

Others need to talk about the weather, the dog, something that happened at Tesco, what their partner said last Tuesday and a completely unrelated memory from 1998 before they finally arrive at what they really wanted to say.

And sometimes, that journey is part of the work.

Which brings me to something I feel quite passionately about.

Why do we assume that 50 minutes is the right amount of time for everyone?

The traditional therapy hour. Who decided that was enough?

The traditional therapy session is often around 50 minutes.

And there are good reasons for that.

It provides structure, consistency and boundaries. It gives time to reflect, explore something meaningful and begin processing what’s been discussed.

For many people, 50 minutes works beautifully.

I offer 50-minute sessions myself.

I value them.

And I also recognise that not everybody processes, communicates or connects in the same way.

Some people take longer to settle.

Some need time to build up to a difficult conversation.

Some have spent their entire week holding everything together, and when they finally sit down, their brain needs a little while to work out where to begin.

Some need time to think before they speak.

Others need to speak before they can think.

And that’s where things get interesting.

Let’s talk about verbal processing

Have you ever started talking about something and realised halfway through that you didn’t actually know what you thought until you heard yourself saying it?

That’s verbal processing, sometimes called thinking out loud or external processing.

For some people, talking isn’t simply a way of communicating a thought they’ve already formed.

Talking is how they form the thought in the first place.

They might begin a sentence without knowing where it’s going.

They might explore several possibilities out loud.

They might contradict themselves.

They might go off on tangents, circle back, change direction and suddenly say:

“Oh! Hang on. I’ve just realised something!”

And there it is.

The connection.

The thing they hadn’t quite been able to put into words.

For some people, including some of us with ADHD, verbal processing can be an important way of organising thoughts, exploring feelings and making sense of experiences.

It’s not exclusive to ADHD, and not everyone with ADHD processes this way.

Some people process internally, through writing, movement, drawing or silence.

Others use a mixture.

And sometimes how we process changes depending on how we’re feeling.

The important thing is recognising that not everybody arrives at understanding by taking the same route.

When the talking IS the thinking

Imagine trying to explain something that’s been troubling you.

You begin with one situation.

Then remember something else.

Then make a connection to your childhood.

Then realise it reminds you of something happening in your relationship.

Then you start questioning whether the problem is what you originally thought it was.

And suddenly you’re getting somewhere.

You’re finding the words.

You’re feeling something shift.

You’re beginning to understand.

Then…

“I’m afraid that’s our time for today.”

Oh.

Right.

Okay.

See you next week, then.

Now, ending sessions within a few minutes on time is an important therapeutic boundary. I never cut someone off. However we cant go on forever!

And I also recognise how frustrating it can feel when you’ve finally got into the flow and suddenly need to stop.

Especially if it took you 35 minutes to get there.

The problem with finally finding your flow

I see this in therapy.

Someone arrives, and we start chatting.

Perhaps they’re feeling anxious.

Perhaps they don’t know where to begin.

Perhaps their brain is moving at a hundred miles an hour.

Or perhaps they need a little time to feel comfortable enough to approach something painful.

Then, slowly, things start connecting.

They begin talking more freely.

They stop monitoring every word.

They start exploring something they’ve been holding on to.

And sometimes the most meaningful part of the conversation happens towards the end.

That’s not unusual.

We don’t always arrive at the important stuff on demand.

And if you’re someone who takes time to warm up, settle into a conversation or find your words, a short session can sometimes feel as though it’s over before you’ve really begun.

This is one of the reasons I offer different session lengths.

Not because longer therapy is automatically better. Because choice matters.

So what do I offer at Wildfire?

I offer traditional 50-minute sessions, alongside longer sessions of 90 minutes, two hours and, occasionally, personalised therapeutic intensives or creative workshops lasting up to four hours.

Each has a different purpose.

And we can explore what might suit you.

50 minutes allow an hour: A familiar, manageable space

For many clients, 50 -60 minutes is exactly right.

It offers regular time to reflect, explore difficulties, build awareness and develop a therapeutic relationship.

Some people prefer the consistency of meeting weekly.

Others find that 50-60 minutes gives them enough emotional space without becoming overwhelmed.

It’s also useful when we’re working on something gradually, returning to themes and noticing changes over time.

There is absolutely nothing lesser about a shorter session.

Sometimes the most powerful moment in therapy happens in five minutes.

90 minutes: A little more breathing room

This can be lovely for people who need longer to settle or process verbally.

We have more time to explore, make connections and reflect without feeling quite so conscious of the clock.

Perhaps you want to look at a particular relationship pattern.

Perhaps you’re struggling with a decision.

Perhaps there’s something you’ve been wanting to talk about for ages, and you know you’ll need time to find your way through it.

Ninety minutes can allow space to get into the conversation and still have time to consider what you’ve discovered.

And for some people, that extra 40 minutes makes a real difference.

Two hours: Time to explore something in greater depth

Sometimes we want to dedicate a longer period to a particular issue.

Perhaps we’re exploring a recurring pattern, self-worth, shame, identity, grief or something that’s been affecting you for years.

Perhaps we’re using creative therapeutic approaches.

Maybe we’re working with imagery, timelines, cards, collage, drawing, journalling or other ways of exploring experiences that aren’t always easy to put into words.

These approaches can take time.

Time to choose materials.

Time to create.

Time to notice what comes up.

Time to talk about it.

And importantly, time to finish in a way that feels considered rather than hurried.

A two-hour session can create more room for that process.

It doesn’t mean we need to fill every minute with intense emotional work.

We can pause.

We can reflect.

We can notice when enough is enough.

More time should mean more flexibility, not more pressure.

Four hours: Personalised therapeutic intensives and creative workshops

Now, this is where my love of doing therapy differently really comes into its own.

Occasionally, I offer longer, individually tailored therapeutic workshops or intensive sessions.

These aren’t four hours of sitting opposite one another talking continuously.

Can you imagine? We’d both need a lie-down. 🤣

They’re thoughtfully planned around the person, what they’d like to explore and what feels appropriate.

We might use a combination of conversation, creative exercises, reflective activities, psychoeducation, practical exploration and time to process.

For example, someone might want to spend a longer session exploring self-worth and the beliefs they’ve developed about themselves.

We could use a combination of reflective discussion, imagery, creative exercises and practical work around how those beliefs show up in everyday life.

Someone else might want to explore their ADHD, their relationship with themselves and the systems or expectations that leave them feeling overwhelmed.

Or perhaps there’s a particular life transition, relationship difficulty or personal theme they want dedicated time to explore.

The structure would be individual.

And we’d build in breaks.

Because nobody needs four hours of emotional intensity without time to pause, move, have a drink or collect their thoughts.

These sessions aren’t suitable for everyone or every issue. We’d discuss that beforehand, including what support and follow-up might be helpful.

A four-hour session isn’t about cramming months of therapy into an afternoon.

It’s about creating a different kind of space for a particular piece of work.

“Do I have to choose one session length and stick to it?”

Absolutely not.

This is something I particularly want people to understand.

Therapy doesn’t have to follow one rigid format.

You might prefer weekly 50-minute sessions.

You might find that 90 minutes every other week suits your processing style and your diary.

Perhaps you’d like a longer session once a month, with shorter sessions in between.

Or perhaps you’re happy with your usual 50 minutes and occasionally want to book two hours to explore something in more depth.

We can discuss it on a case by case basis. Together.

For example:

• Weekly 50-minute sessions: Regular connection, reflection and continuity.

• 90 minutes fortnightly: More time within each meeting, with space between sessions to reflect.

• A two-hour session once a month: Dedicated time for deeper or more creative exploration, with an agreed plan for support between appointments if needed.

• A mixture of session lengths: Your usual shorter sessions, with an occasional longer session when there’s something particular you’d like to focus on.

These are possibilities, not prescriptions.

And longer gaps between appointments aren’t necessarily suitable for everyone, especially when someone needs more consistent support.

What matters is considering your needs, circumstances, emotional capacity and what we’re working towards.

The point is that we can have a conversation about it.

ADHD, time and the pressure to get it all out

For some people with ADHD, time can be a strange thing.

You can spend 20 minutes trying to explain something that made perfect sense in your head.

You can forget the point halfway through.

You can suddenly remember five other things you desperately wanted to mention.

You can spend half the session talking about one subject and realise at the end that the thing you really wanted to discuss never came up.

Or you might be so worried about forgetting something that you rush to say everything at once.

And then apologise.

Again.

Some people with ADHD also experience difficulties with working memory, organising thoughts, switching between topics or estimating how much time has passed.

This can affect the experience of therapy.

And for those who verbal process, a longer session may provide more opportunity to follow a train of thought without feeling quite so rushed.

Of course, longer sessions can also be tiring or overstimulating.

Some people benefit from shorter, more frequent meetings.

Others benefit from a visual agenda, written reminders or a little structure to help them keep track.

ADHD-friendly therapy isn’t necessarily longer therapy. It’s therapy that considers how YOU work.

And that might look different from week to week.

What about people who have experienced trauma?

This is where we need to be particularly thoughtful.

Sometimes people have spent years keeping difficult experiences locked away.

It can take time to feel safe enough to begin speaking.

And when those words finally come, there may be a strong desire to keep going.

I understand that.

I also know that talking about trauma for longer isn’t automatically more therapeutic.

Sometimes less is more.

Sometimes we need to slow things down, notice what’s happening in the body, regulate, reflect and ensure there’s enough time to finish safely.

A longer session may be helpful for some carefully planned trauma work, particularly where an approach requires preparation, processing and a supported ending.

For others, it could be too much.

The aim is never to get as much trauma out as possible.

It’s to work in a way that feels safe enough, manageable and appropriate for the person.

That includes knowing when to stop.

Longer doesn’t mean better. And shorter doesn’t mean you’re missing out.

I really want to emphasise this.

There’s no prize for spending four hours in therapy.

You don’t get extra points for crying more, sharing more or having a huge emotional breakthrough.

Sometimes a 50-minute session can be incredibly meaningful.

Sometimes a two-hour session gives someone the space they need.

And sometimes the most useful thing we can do is recognise that you’ve reached your limit for today.

Therapy isn’t a race.

And a longer appointment isn’t a guarantee of faster progress.

It’s simply another option.

One that might be helpful for some people, some goals and some circumstances.

Can we also stop apologising for taking up space?

I want to come back to where we started.

“Sorry, I’m oversharing.”

“Sorry, I’m talking too much.”

“Sorry, I’m going on.”

I hear these things so often.

And I’m always curious about where that apology comes from.

Who taught you that your words were too much?

Who made you feel that your feelings were inconvenient?

Who told you to stop being dramatic, stop going on, get to the point or keep things to yourself?

Perhaps you’ve spent years being the person who listens to everyone else.

Perhaps you don’t feel heard in your relationships.

Perhaps you learnt that your needs came second.

Or perhaps you’ve simply got a brain that makes connections by talking things through.

None of those automatically mean you’re oversharing.

And there’s something quite sad about people feeling they need to apologise for speaking in the very place they’ve come to be heard.

Of course, boundaries matter. Context matters. Consent matters. Not every person or situation is the right place for every conversation.

And sometimes exploring how, when and with whom we share things is useful therapeutic work.

Yet in therapy, you shouldn’t have to spend the entire session worrying that you’re taking up too much space.

You’re allowed to have a voice.

You’re allowed to need time.

You’re allowed to think out loud.

You’re allowed to change your mind halfway through a sentence.

You’re allowed to pause.

You’re allowed to say, “Actually, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.”

And you’re allowed to ask whether a different session length might suit you.

How I work at Wildfire

I’m Louise, a psychotherapist and counsellor, and if you’ve read my other blogs, you’ll know I’m not particularly interested in making everyone fit into one version of therapy.

I’m down to earth, curious, creative and passionate about meeting people where they’re at.

I bring professional training, years of experience and lived experience to my work.

I know what it’s like to have a busy brain.

I know what it’s like to need time to make sense of things.

And I know that sometimes you need to talk something through several different ways before it finally clicks.

That doesn’t mean I assume everybody works like me.

Far from it.

I’m interested in how YOU process.

Do you need time to warm up?

Do you prefer direct questions?

Do you think out loud?

Would writing or drawing help?

Do you need a bit more structure?

Do you want time for creative exploration?

Do you prefer shorter sessions because longer conversations leave you exhausted?

These are all things we can discuss.

I offer online therapy in a range of session lengths, including occasional personalised therapeutic workshops and intensives where appropriate.

And if something isn’t working, I want you to feel comfortable telling me.

Because the therapeutic relationship matters far more to me than making you fit into a particular format.

One last thought…

Perhaps you’ve tried therapy before and found yourself watching the clock.

Perhaps you’ve spent half your session building up to something, only to run out of time.

Perhaps you’ve felt rushed, frustrated or disappointed that you didn’t get to say what you needed.

Or perhaps 50 minutes is absolutely perfect for you.

There isn’t one correct amount of time to be human.

We all process differently.

We all communicate differently.

We all need different things at different times.

And I think therapy should have room to recognise that.

You don’t need to squeeze your entire experience into a neat little box to make it easier for someone else.

Sometimes 50 minutes is enough.

Sometimes 90 minutes feels better.

Sometimes a longer, carefully planned session creates space for something meaningful.

And sometimes the best thing we can do is have a conversation about what you actually need.

If you’re curious about working with me, or whether a different session length might be helpful, we can explore that during an introductory conversation.

No pressure to arrive knowing exactly what you want.

We’ll work that out together.

Wildfire Counselling & Therapy

Real, down-to-earth therapy that doesn’t have to look like traditional talking therapy.

Online sessions, creative therapeutic approaches and personalised ways of working.

www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

Take gentle care,
Louise x