ADHD Coaching: What Actually Is It, and Why Might It Be Exactly What You Need?

ADHD Coaching: What Actually Is It, and Why Might It Be Exactly What You Need?

Because knowing what you need to do and actually being able to do it are two very different things.

“I know what I need to do, Louise. I just can’t seem to bloody do it!”

Sound familiar?

You’ve got the planner. You’ve downloaded the app. You’ve watched the videos. You’ve read the advice.

You’ve probably got a notebook somewhere with NEW LIFE, NEW ME written across the front.

And for a few days, it was brilliant.

You were organised. Motivated. On top of things.

Then life happened.

The planner disappeared under a pile of paperwork. The app notifications became background noise. The washing multiplied, the emails piled up and that thing you were supposed to do three weeks ago is still sitting there.

And now you’re beating yourself up.

Again.

Welcome to a very familiar experience for many people with ADHD.

What if the problem isn’t that you’re not trying hard enough? What if the strategies you’re trying simply aren’t designed for the way you work?

This is where ADHD coaching can come in.

And no, it’s not someone standing over you with a clipboard telling you to get your act together.

Quite the opposite, actually.

So, what exactly is ADHD coaching?

ADHD coaching is a collaborative, practical approach to helping people understand how their ADHD affects everyday life and develop strategies that work for them.

It’s about working with your brain rather than spending your entire life fighting against it.

A good ADHD coach doesn’t hand you a generic list of things to do and send you on your way.

They get curious.

They want to understand what happens between you knowing something needs doing and actually getting it done.

They explore what’s working, what isn’t, what you’ve already tried and what might be getting in the way.

And importantly, they recognise that ADHD isn’t simply a problem with attention.

It can affect planning, organisation, working memory, emotional regulation, motivation, time perception, decision-making, task initiation and the ability to move between activities.

It can also affect relationships, confidence, work and how you feel about yourself.

And every person experiences it differently.

Some people are incredibly organised in one area of their life and completely overwhelmed in another.

Some thrive under pressure and struggle when there’s no deadline.

Some can spend six hours engrossed in something they love and find it almost impossible to start a ten-minute task they find boring.

That’s not necessarily a contradiction.

That’s part of what makes ADHD so interesting, complicated and, at times, utterly exhausting.

“Can’t you just make a list?”

Ah, the famous list.

Along with its close relatives:

“Set an alarm.”

“Get up earlier.”

“Try being more organised.”

“Stop leaving everything until the last minute.”

“Have you tried a routine?”

Yes, Brenda. I have. Thank you. 🤣

Now, lists and routines can be genuinely useful.

The question is whether they’re useful for you.

Because a strategy isn’t successful simply because it works for someone else.

Perhaps you love lists, then lose them.

Perhaps you write everything down and forget to look at it.

Perhaps you create a routine so rigid that the first unexpected interruption throws the entire day into chaos.

Perhaps you become so overwhelmed by everything on your list that you do absolutely none of it.

ADHD coaching can help you understand why that happens and explore alternatives.

Maybe you need a visual system.

Maybe you need fewer steps.

Maybe you need external reminders, accountability, body doubling or a different environment.

Maybe you need to stop trying to organise your life in a way that looks impressive and start finding something that actually works.

The best system isn’t the prettiest, cleverest or most expensive. It’s the one you can realistically use.

And if it stops working?

We get curious and change it.

What can ADHD coaching actually help with?

Quite a lot, depending on your needs and goals.

Getting started when your brain says NO

You know the task needs doing.

You want to do it.

You might even be anxious about not doing it.

Yet somehow, you can’t get started.

ADHD coaching can help explore task initiation, overwhelm, motivation and the barriers that make seemingly simple things feel enormous.

Sometimes we break tasks down.

Sometimes we look at the environment.

Sometimes we discover the task isn’t actually the problem. It’s the uncertainty, fear of getting it wrong or number of decisions involved.

Time blindness and constantly running late

You genuinely thought you had plenty of time.

Then suddenly you’re supposed to be somewhere in seven minutes, you’re still in your pyjamas and you can’t find your keys.

Again.

We can explore how you experience time, what happens during transitions and how to create systems that don’t rely entirely on your internal sense of time.

Planning and organisation

Not everyone needs a colour-coded diary.

Some people need one calendar.

Some need visual reminders.

Some need flexibility.

Some need help working out what is actually important rather than treating every task as equally urgent.

And some need permission to stop trying to do everything.

Emotional overwhelm and rejection sensitivity

For some people with ADHD, emotions can arrive quickly and intensely.

A message that hasn’t been answered.

A change of plans.

A piece of feedback.

A facial expression you can’t quite interpret.

Suddenly your mind has written an entire story about what it means.

Coaching can help you notice patterns, develop practical ways of responding and create space between the feeling and what happens next.

Where deeper emotional wounds, trauma or significant distress are involved, therapeutic work may be more appropriate, or helpful alongside coaching.

Work, careers and self-employment

This is a big one.

Especially when you’re self-employed and suddenly you’re the boss, administrator, accountant, diary manager, marketing department and person responsible for remembering to buy toilet roll.

ADHD coaching can help with prioritising, managing workload, creating realistic schedules, navigating deadlines, communicating needs and developing systems that support your working life.

It can also help you identify your strengths.

Because ADHD isn’t exclusively about difficulties.

Creativity, curiosity, enthusiasm, unconventional thinking and the ability to make interesting connections can be real strengths for some people.

The aim isn’t to squeeze you into somebody else’s idea of productivity.

It’s to help you work more effectively in a way that’s sustainable for you.

Coaching isn’t about fixing you

I think this is one of the most important things to understand.

You’re not a broken version of a neurotypical person.

You don’t need someone to train you to behave like everybody else.

And you certainly don’t need another person making you feel inadequate because you haven’t completed your homework.

For many people with ADHD, there’s already a lifetime of that.

School reports.

“Could achieve so much more if they applied themselves.”

“Needs to concentrate.”

“Talks too much.”

“Doesn’t listen.”

“Has so much potential.”

Then adulthood arrives and the language changes.

“Disorganised.”

“Unreliable.”

“Too sensitive.”

“Lazy.”

“Always making excuses.”

Eventually, some of those messages become the things you say to yourself.

And that’s exhausting.

ADHD coaching should be a place where you can explore what you need, without having to prove how hard you’re trying.

That doesn’t mean there’s no accountability.

Accountability can be incredibly helpful.

It means accountability is collaborative, realistic and compassionate, rather than another opportunity to feel you’ve failed.

ADHD coaching and ADHD therapy. What’s the difference?

This is something I’m asked about, and it’s worth explaining.

There’s overlap between the two, particularly when someone works in an ADHD-informed way.

Generally speaking, ADHD coaching focuses more on practical challenges, goals, strategies and how to make everyday life work better.

Therapy may explore emotional distress, trauma, relationships, shame, self-worth, anxiety and the deeper experiences that affect how you see yourself and the world.

For example, someone might come to coaching because they’re struggling to manage their workload.

We could explore planning, priorities, time management and strategies for getting started.

During that work, they might recognise that every time they make a mistake, they experience intense shame connected to years of criticism.

That’s something that may benefit from therapeutic exploration.

Equally, someone might spend months in therapy understanding why they struggle with certain things and still need practical support with organising their day.

Understanding why something happens and knowing what to do about it aren’t always the same thing.

Both approaches can be valuable.

Neither is automatically better.

And coaching isn’t a substitute for appropriate mental health treatment when that’s what’s needed.

The important thing is finding the right support for the difficulties you’re experiencing.

“I’ve tried everything. Nothing works.”

Have you ever noticed how quickly ADHD can turn an unsuccessful strategy into a judgement about yourself?

The planner didn’t work.

I’m useless.

The routine lasted three days.

I never stick at anything.

You forgot an appointment.

I’m so unreliable.

You didn’t complete the goal you set.

What’s wrong with me?

This is something I’m particularly interested in.

Because there’s a difference between something not working and you being a failure.

A strategy is information.

If it doesn’t work, that tells us something.

Perhaps it was too complicated.

Perhaps it depended on skills you find difficult.

Perhaps the timing was wrong.

Perhaps you were exhausted.

Perhaps it worked brilliantly for a while and then stopped being interesting.

Or perhaps life changed.

Rather than automatically asking, “Why didn’t you do it?”, I prefer questions such as:

“What happened when you tried?”

“Which bit was difficult?”

“Was there anything that helped?”

“What would make it easier?”

“Do we need a completely different approach?”

That’s not letting someone off the hook.

That’s working out what might actually help.

Why finding your person matters so much

This is probably one of the biggest things I want you to take away from this blog.

Not every ADHD coach is going to be the right ADHD coach for you.

And that’s okay.

Some people want a highly structured approach.

Clear goals. Regular check-ins. Written action plans.

Others need more flexibility, creativity, conversation and room to explore.

Some people love being challenged directly.

Others need someone who understands that years of criticism have made even gentle feedback feel threatening.

Some need humour.

Some need visual tools.

Some need space to think out loud, go off on tangents and come back again.

And some need someone who understands that their brain can move faster than their mouth, or sometimes the other way round.

The relationship matters.

You need to feel able to say:

“I didn’t do it.”

“I forgot.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That doesn’t work for me.”

“Can you explain why we’re doing this?”

“I think I need something different.”

Without feeling embarrassed or judged.

And you need someone who’s prepared to listen.

What would I look for in an ADHD coach?

I’d want to know how they understand ADHD beyond the stereotypes.

I’d want to know what training and experience they have.

I’d be curious about how they adapt their approach to different people.

I’d want to know what happens when a strategy doesn’t work.

Do they become frustrated?

Do they keep pushing the same method?

Or do they get curious and explore something else?

I’d also want to know whether they recognise the limits of coaching and when someone might benefit from therapeutic or other specialist support.

And I’d pay attention to how I felt when talking to them.

Could I be myself?

Did I feel listened to?

Was I comfortable asking questions?

Did I feel as though we could work together?

You don’t need to find someone who has exactly the same brain as you.

You need someone who is interested in understanding yours.

What if you’ve got ADHD and you don’t even know what you need help with?

That’s absolutely fine.

You might know that life feels harder than it needs to.

You might be overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated or fed up with constantly playing catch-up.

You might have a hundred ideas and no idea where to start.

Or perhaps you’ve spent so long adapting to everyone else’s expectations that you’re not even sure what you want anymore.

You don’t need to arrive with a beautifully prepared five-point plan.

Sometimes the first step is working out what matters to you.

Not what your partner thinks you should do.

Not what your employer wants.

Not what social media says a successful ADHD life should look like.

What do YOU want to feel different?

And what might help you get there?

That’s a perfectly good place to start.

My approach to ADHD coaching

If you’ve read anything else I’ve written, you’ll probably know by now that I’m not particularly interested in doing things simply because that’s how they’ve always been done.

I’m Louise, a psychotherapist, counsellor and coach, and I work a little differently.

I’m down to earth, curious, creative and very much a real human being.

I also have lived experience of ADHD.

I understand the excitement of a new idea, the chaos of too many things happening at once, the frustration of knowing what you want to achieve and struggling to get there.

I understand that what works brilliantly one week might not work the next.

And I understand how exhausting it can be to feel you’re constantly trying to catch up with yourself.

My lived experience informs my empathy. It doesn’t mean I assume your ADHD looks like mine.

Because it might not.

I’m not here to tell you how to run your life. I’m here to help you find ways of running it that work for you.

We can explore practical systems, everyday challenges, work, organisation, overwhelm, confidence and the things you want to change.

We can use creative approaches, visual tools, conversation, problem-solving and realistic goal-setting.

We can break things down.

We can experiment.

We can laugh when something turns out to be spectacularly unhelpful.

And we can try something else.

I’ll explain why I’m suggesting things, answer questions and welcome your ideas.

I haven’t got a magic wand or crystal ball, although I would absolutely love both.

What I can offer is a collaborative space where your experiences are taken seriously, your strengths are recognised and your goals are shaped around your actual life.

Not some imaginary version of you who wakes up at 5am, drinks green smoothies and has a perfectly organised sock drawer.

Unless that’s your thing, of course. You do you. 🤣

Can you get help paying for ADHD coaching?

Potentially, yes.

In the UK, the government’s Access to Work scheme may provide funding for practical workplace support for eligible people with ADHD, including some forms of specialist coaching.

This can include people who are employed or self-employed.

Eligibility and the support awarded depend on individual circumstances and an assessment of work-related needs. Coaching isn’t automatically funded simply because someone has an ADHD diagnosis.

It’s worth exploring if ADHD is affecting your ability to manage aspects of your working life.

You can find information and apply through the government’s website:

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

One final thing…

ADHD coaching isn’t about becoming a completely different person.

It’s not about creating the perfect routine, never forgetting anything again or magically developing the ability to do every boring task without resistance.

It’s about understanding yourself.

Finding strategies that fit.

Recognising your strengths.

Reducing unnecessary struggles.

Learning what support you need.

And perhaps, over time, changing the way you speak to yourself when things don’t go to plan.

Because you can be intelligent, creative, capable, passionate and full of ideas…

And still need help organising your Tuesday.

You don’t need to earn support by struggling for longer.

If ADHD coaching sounds like something that might help, I’m happy to have a conversation about what you’re looking for and whether we’d be a good fit.

And if I’m not the right person for you, that’s okay too.

Finding the right support matters far more than finding just any support.

Wildfire Counselling & Therapy

ADHD-informed therapy and coaching, delivered online.

www.wildfirecounsellingtherapy.co.uk

Take gentle care,
Louise x