There Is No Shame in Needing Someone

On Saturday I ran the Maidstone Mote Park cancer research 5K Muddy Run in memory of my mum.

I laughed.

I cried.

I questioned my life choices somewhere around the second hill.

I got covered in mud, lost my hat and crossed the finish line with emotions I still can’t quite put into words.

On the drive home I found myself thinking about something that comes up a lot in my counselling room.

The idea that asking for help somehow means we’ve failed.

It doesn’t.

If anything, I think it’s one of the bravest things we can ever do.

People sometimes assume that because I’m a therapist, I must have everything figured out.

That somehow I don’t get anxious.

That grief doesn’t knock the wind out of me.

That trauma doesn’t touch me.

That because I spend my days helping other people, I must have reached some magical place where life no longer hurts.

I wish it worked like that.

It doesn’t.

I’m human before I’m a therapist.

I’m a daughter who misses her mum every single day.

I’m someone who has lived through trauma.

Someone with ADHD.

Someone in recovery.

Someone who still has days where life feels incredibly hard.

And Saturday reminded me of that.

As I was running, there were moments where grief hit me so suddenly it took my breath away.

Not because I was going backwards.

Not because I wasn’t coping.

However because love doesn’t disappear just because somebody dies.

Grief is love that no longer has somewhere physical to go.

And that’s okay.

One of the things I’m most grateful for is that I don’t carry any of this on my own.

I have an incredible therapist.

I have an incredible supervisor.

Both have walked alongside me through some of the hardest moments of my life.

They’ve celebrated with me.

Challenged me.

Held hope for me when I couldn’t find it for myself.

They’ve asked the difficult questions.

Helped me make sense of things.

Reminded me to be kind to myself.

And helped me become not only a healthier person, but a better therapist.

People sometimes ask me if therapists have therapy.

Absolutely.

Or at least, I do & believe we all should.

Not because we’re broken.

Because we ask people to trust us with the most vulnerable parts of their lives.

That is an enormous privilege.

One I never take lightly.

I hold stories of trauma.

Abuse.

Addiction.

Loss.

Fear.

Shame.

Relationships.

Hope.

Every single week.

Those stories matter.

The people telling them matter.

And I have a responsibility to make sure I’m the safest, healthiest and most present therapist I can possibly be.

Therapy helps me do that.

Supervision helps me do that.

Neither is a tick-box exercise.

They’re part of who I am.

Part of how I live.

Part of how I work.

I honestly don’t know where I’d be without them.

Not because they have all the answers.

Its because none of us are supposed to carry life on our own.

And that’s the message I want everyone to hear.

Whether you’re a therapist, a teacher, a parent, a police officer, a nurse, a builder, retired, eight, eighteen or eighty…

There is no shame in needing someone.

There is no shame in saying,

“I’m struggling.”

“There are things I don’t understand.”

“I need support.”

In fact, I think there’s incredible strength in it.

For the therapists reading this…

Please don’t believe you have to have all your ducks in a row before you deserve support.

You don’t.

You are allowed to have your own story.

You are allowed to have difficult days.

You are allowed to need therapy.

You are allowed to need supervision.

You are allowed to be wonderfully, beautifully human.

And for anyone reading this who’s been thinking about reaching out…

Please hear me.

The strongest people I know aren’t the ones who carry everything on their own.

They’re the ones who have the courage to let somebody walk beside them.

That’s what changed my life.

It’s why I do the work I do.

Because somebody once sat beside me when I needed it most.

Now I have the privilege of doing that for other people.

Whether you’re looking for therapy to make sense of your own life, or you’re a counsellor looking for supervision that supports the whole of you, not just the work you do…

Please know this.

You don’t have to have everything figured out before you reach out.

You just have to be willing to take the first step.

Sometimes the bravest words we’ll ever say are simply…

“I think I need a bit of help.”

And I promise you…

There is absolutely no shame in that.

Stay safe, stay connected & take gentle care

Louise x