When the Internet Decides How You’re Feeling
A photograph. Thousands of opinions. And a reminder that none of us really knows what’s going on behind someone else’s eyes.
Yesterday I shared a post about a photograph of Victoria Beckham at the football.
You’ve probably seen it.
The internet certainly did.
One image. One facial expression. Thousands upon thousands of comments telling her how she felt.
“She’s miserable.”
“She doesn’t want to be there.”
“She looks fed up.”
“Poor David.”
“She should smile.”
It fascinated me.
Not because it was Victoria Beckham, but because it reminded me just how quickly we decide we know another person’s inner world.
As a therapist, I spend my working life discovering that the first story is very rarely the whole story.
So I wrote about it.
I wrote that maybe she was having the time of her life.
Maybe she was exhausted.
Maybe she was overwhelmed.
Maybe she was simply concentrating.
Maybe nothing was wrong at all.
The truth is, none of us knows.
That post reached far more people than I ever expected. Within a few hours, on tiktok alone it had over 35,000 views. On facebook & instagram, I lost count.
And then something interesting happened.
People started making assumptions about me too.
Some people understood exactly what I was trying to say.
Others decided they knew my motives.
Apparently I was defending celebrities.
Apparently I was overthinking.
Apparently I was trying to be controversial.
Some questioned why I was using AI to help structure my ideas, as though that somehow meant the thoughts weren’t mine.
It was strangely ironic.
I’d written a post about assumptions.
And within hours, assumptions were being made about me.
For a moment, I felt myself being pulled away from why I’d written it in the first place.
I wanted to explain.
Defend.
Correct.
Prove.
Show people they’d misunderstood.
If you’ve ever put yourself out there, you’ll probably recognise that feeling.
Your nervous system starts whispering:
“They’ve got the wrong idea.”
“You need to explain.”
“Make them understand.”
Except here’s what I’ve had to remind myself.
My purpose was never to win an argument.
My purpose was to encourage curiosity over certainty.
To remind people that human beings are infinitely more complex than a single photograph.
When I remembered that, the noise became quieter.
Not because the comments stopped.
It was because I stopped letting them become more important than the reason I showed up.
That’s something I see in therapy all the time.
We spend so much energy trying to manage how other people see us that we lose sight of who we actually are.
We explain ourselves until we’re exhausted.
We justify every decision.
We carry guilt that isn’t ours.
We become performers in our own lives.
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is allow ourselves to be misunderstood.
Not because it feels good.
It usually doesn’t.
But because we know our own truth.
And perhaps that’s what I’d say to Victoria Beckham, if I ever had the chance.
If there was something going on that day, I’m sorry people decided they knew your story from one frozen moment.
And if there wasn’t…
I’m sorry people still decided they knew your story.
Either way, you don’t owe the internet an explanation.
None of us does.
A photograph captures a fraction of a second.
It doesn’t capture grief.
It doesn’t capture anxiety.
It doesn’t capture exhaustion.
It doesn’t capture ADHD masking.
It doesn’t capture chronic pain.
It doesn’t capture relationship dynamics.
It doesn’t capture what happened five minutes before or what happened when the camera disappeared.
It captures light.
That’s all.
The rest is projection.
Maybe there’s something we can all become a little more curious about.
The next time you catch yourself thinking, “Look at them…”
Pause.
Ask yourself, “Do I actually know?”
Because the answer is probably no.
As therapists, as parents, as partners, as friends, and simply as human beings, we’ll always understand each other better through curiosity than certainty.
And if this blog has made you think differently before making your next judgement, then it has done exactly what I hoped it would.
A few questions to sit with
Have you ever felt judged by people who only knew a tiny part of your story?
How much energy do you spend trying to make other people understand you?
What would it be like to trust that your worth doesn’t depend on everyone agreeing with you?
Where might curiosity serve you better than certainty this week?
If you’ve spent years feeling misunderstood, judged or like you have to explain yourself just to be accepted, therapy can be a place where you don’t have to perform. A place where your whole story matters, not just the snapshot.
If that sounds like something you need, I’d love to offer you a free introductory call to see whether we’re the right fit.
Stay safe, stay connected & take gentle care
Louise x
